The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
