I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
