im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
