You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
