are you still at the devil's house?
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
