I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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