after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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