Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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