Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
