you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
