Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im about as happy as oj after his trial
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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