Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
