just come out here and I will go home with you...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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