i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
