I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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