I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
