he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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