HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
