I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
