You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
