my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
