Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
