I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
