I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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