Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
