Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
