im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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