omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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