Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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