its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
