bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
