my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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