I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
