He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
