We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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