Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
