Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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