HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just saw a hot homeless man
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
