YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
