You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
