you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she smelled like a LAN party
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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