Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
