Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
