So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
