so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
