that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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