He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
