On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
