you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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