I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
